When does it happen? When does the boy shed his baby skin and fly? When do I cease to be all he needs or wants and become something more base, at least seemingly more base? When does he become ashamed of me?
A few days ago we were out together, walking hand in hand. I was telling him that there would come a day that it would be an embarrassment to hold my hand in public. Little did I know that day would come so soon. As we entered the store and approached other people, his hand slid from mine. Heart crushed. Why does it all end so quickly? Why do I have to let go and let him rise? My more jealous nature wants to hang on tightly and never surrender him to time or any other. I want to be his leading lady forever. My firstborn. My darling son. I became a mother by this child. My whole life changed forever.
He has grown so tall and smart and beautiful. From his dishwater blond head to his splash of freckles across his nose, all the way down to his stinky boy toes. I love him inside and out. He can frustrate me beyond all reason, and somehow at the same moment evoke such tender love. What a gift. What a gift to be this boys mother. I want to soak up every bit of him while I can.
I keep telling myself to slow down, take time, be patient, listen, love….
He will soon be gone…..
What does he see when he looks at me through those blue eyes???
